Frozen tears

There are some events in your life, which leave you teary eyed forever. I can recall a few incidents in my life. The first incident was ,when my mother died. I had just started my career in a public sector undertaking.

The news of my mother’s death reached me through a trunk call ,as mobile phones did not exist ,in the early eighties. I was told by my colleagues at work ,in a remote iron ore mine ,that my mother died in sleep.

I was dropped to the nearest railway station ,in a jeep ,with some cash for any emergencies. I took the train to Nagpur for catching the train to Chennai, where my parents lived.

When I was at the platform at Nagpur station, a Good Samaritan told me ,to catch a train to hyderabad, which was halting at the station. When the guard heard from a young broken and shattered youth of 23, he made me sit next to him and refused to take money for my ticket.

When I reached Hyderabad, this gentleman train guard ,took me out of the station and put me in an auto ,advising the driver to take me to Begumpet. I had never been to Hyderabad before and did not know anything about Begumpet airport, where I was to take a flight to Chennai.

The auto driver took me to Begumpet station and on realising that I have to go to Begumpet airport, took me there from the station and did not even charge ,for that extra drive. On reaching the airport, I realised that I had missed, a slow indirect flight to Chennai and the next flight would be direct one and take me there within an hour.

On arrival at Chennai, a family friend working at the airport, was waiting for me and drove me straight to my home, in a cab and informed my family that I had arrived. My mom’s body was about to be taken to the funeral ground but they waited for me, as I was the eldest son and had the duty to light the pyre.

I did not cry on seeing my mother dead ,as my tears were frozen and I could not believe that I lost my mother at 23, when she was only 54. I felt sad for my father, who had just retired from active government service after 37 years and had lost his life partner ,forever.

The second incident was ,when my father was detected with a kidney failure ,within a month of my marriage. I again returned from my iron ore mine and admitted my father in a private hospital in Chennai.

We gave him the best possible treatment we could and he was put on dialysis. I still recall the moment, when the doctor asked me ,if I need to put him in haemo dialysis ,as it was very expensive and the doctor sensed ,I could not afford it. It was almost Rs. 1000 per session and we had it do it twice a week. I knew I could not afford but told the doctor to go ahead, since I knew I could beg or borrow ,to save my father as he was my inspiration in life and he had sacrificed everything for his spouse and children.

He recovered slightly and was in a position to be shifted to Bhilai, a steel township in India, where I worked. We had good medical facilities and it was provided as a free benefit to employees, their families and their dependant parents.

I shifted him in a train from Chennai to Bhilai and took him straight to the hospital ICU in an ambulance. He was admitted there and unfortunately survived ,only for three months . I still recall how a young teenager from my neighbourhood came home, to wake me up and inform me that my father was no more.

Both these incidents ,broke me into pieces. I lost hope in life and living. I was a religious and spiritual person visiting the temple ,once a week religiously. But after both these incidents in quick succession within two years, I lost faith in God and led a recluse, lonely life for almost a year.

But, I did realise how grateful I have to be to the people, who supported me during these crises in my life. My spouse, my friends and relatives, who unconditionally supported me financially and emotionally to get over these crises. I will be ever grateful to them ,not only in this life but in all future births too. Although, I have repaid all the loans ,I took from them, I can never repay their love, care and emotional support to me. This emotional support, love and care can never be measured in monetary terms.

I have narrated these incidents ,not to make you cry but to share how grateful we need to be to the people, who are with you, when you most need them. It may be the guard in the train, the auto driver, my spouse or my friends or relatives who supported me in every possible way, without expecting anything in return.

Today, God has blessed me with a good family, a good career and and a happy and healthy life. But, if I forget to be grateful to these God sent people in my life, I will fail in my duties. I have to look at every opportunity to express my gratitude to them in every way I can .

Life is a full circle and we need to remember this always. I bow in gratitude to all these good samaritans in my life and promise to support them in every possible way right through my life.

Let my frozen tears be forgotten but my gratitude to the good samaritans in my life has to last forever.

S Ramesh Shankar

6th March 2025

Learning from a marriage function

I attended a marriage function of a close relative recently at Chennai. It was after quite some time , that I had the opportunity to sit, enjoy and reflect, on every ritual in the function. This gave me an opportunity ,to observe all the happenings around me ,with curiosity.

The first and foremost thing which struck me was that “marriage” is a social institution, which provides an opportunity for extended families of two sides ,to meet, interact, socialise and build ever -lasting friendships.

We meet our cousins, elders, friends and relatives and recall our enjoyable days spent together during our childhood or while we stayed near each other. We also get an opportunity to meet family and friends of the bride and bridegroom’s and this enables us to evolve , new relationships.

I enjoyed all the rituals of the marriage ,like the fasting ceremony, the engagement ceremony, reception and the marriage solemnising ceremony. Each ritual is performed with a lot of thought and social relevance. For eg, the “Vratham” or fasting ceremony done by the girls parents and the boy’s parents ,is an occasion to fast and pray to the Almighty and all elders ,to ensure that a complex function like a marriage ,happens smoothly ,without any disruptions or misunderstandings. They seek the blessings of the elders ,for the transition from bachelorhood/spinsterhood to married couples.

Then, if I move to the engagement ceremony. It is an opportunity to publicly announce that this girl and this boy are getting married. They also announce the details of the family members from both sides for the information of all , as the next day ,the marriage is going to be solemnised.

The reception is a modern day invention but could be considered an opportunity ,to share the joy with family and friends and the community at large. Nowadays, it also includes performances by the family members from both sides, which could help in building better relationships and understanding one another.

The main ceremony of the marriage ,involves the “Kanya dhaanam( the biggest donation in Hinduism), where the father of the girl ,donates his daughter to the groom. In turn, the groom promises to take care of her and his parents will also treat her , like their own daughter. The meaning of sacred marriage mantras ,can teach us a lot of do’s and dont’s ,of life and living.

The variety of food served is also an opportunity ,to understand the tradition and culture of the two families , as they say that the stomach is the way to win over the heart of one another. As the Hindu religion states – “athithi devo bhava”, we need to treat our guest as God. So, all the guests to the marriage from both sides ,are treated well ,in terms of accommodation, food and other arrangements.

Overall, I realise that all of our social institutions ,can teach us so many life lessons ,if we are willing to keep our eyes and ears open. It is upto to us to imbibe these learnings ,by observation and enquiry.

Let us learn to learn from our heritage and culture every day.

S Ramesh Shankar

23rd Nov 2025

Treating employee exits with dignity

In the recent past, I have seen three high profile exits from the corporate sector. In all three cases, it was the CEO, who left the company. The CEO was appointed with great fan fare and each of them built the company and made them grow ,much ahead of their competition.

I admire all these companies and their former CEOs. I have not worked with any of them nor do I know them personally. But all these are great brands in different sectors, are publicly listed and admired by their share holders.

Interestingly these companies operate in different geographies ,of the world. They are global and regional in the markets ,they operate. They have survived, grown and are successful since many decades.

I do understand that it is the prerogative of the promoters or the majority shareholders to decide who the CEO of the company would be and how long they would continue. They have a right to decide the person and their tenure. My concern is not on the who the CEO would be and how long they are in office. My worry is that ,after each of them have successfully run your organisation for many years, you abruptly ask them to leave and deal with their exit ,in an undignified manner.

I am sure ,due process may have been followed to appoint and terminate the services of their CEOs in each of the three companies. Their board of directors would have passed a resolution , both for their appointment and their termination. But, the way the process has been handled , needs a lot to be desired.

Being a life long HR professional, I have always professed that every employee who leaves the organisation ,for whatever reason ( except for ethics or integrity issues) needs to be dealt with dignity ,while they leave. We need to remember ,that every employee leaving us ,is a brand ambassador of the company . He or she will talk about the company, the way they have been treated, after they leave the company.

I cannot imagine a CEO, who has given his or her blood and sweat for the organisation ,to survive and grow in a highly competitive market place ,to be treated in an undignified way and abruptly relieved from the organisation ,with no notice. This not only hurts the reputation of the organisation but also adversely impacts the morale of the employees ,working in the organisation. The employees think that, if this can happen to a successful CEO, what would happen to them, who are lower down ,in the hierarchy.

I do understand that all of us make mistakes and so do the board members. But, one needs to learn a lesson from the mistakes done by other organisations and course correct their behaviour and actions. If we have seen such things happening around us, we have to ensure that this does not happen again ,in our organisation. We can always decide who our next CEO has to be, but to deal with the previous CEO and his or her exit, with dignity and respect ,is our responsibility and duty. This is not only beneficial to the organisation but also ,to keep the morale of the employees in the organisation ,intact.

Let us learn to treat every employee leaving the organisation with dignity and respect and make them our brand ambassadors from today.

S Ramesh Shankar

17th Nov 2025

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